Yesterday I had strong stimulation of abusing sex again. As usual concentration, power, mood were down. I had a lot of voices on this. they would know now why I would not want such sex.
Today I did not have direct stimulation of abusing sex but the harder programming of such again.
But I recognize other programming too. Programming to the mindset of a German social democrat away from anarchism. And again mood, power were down. Concentration not that much.
Germans I meet are usually inside the miserable thing against me. So I have some hints where it comes from but no proof I could use.

I am not the only one to who such things happen. I am in support group and about 1000 victims of such hidden terror have reported such and confirmed on a list. There are many others who do not publish their suffering. My sister reported such over a long time. Some time ago I asked my mother if it still would go on. She answered "No, no more now." My sister is now sitting in a wheelchair, mentally disabled and no more doing much.