Some posts before I spoke about low concentration because there are
any fears in the back.I wanted to look into them and find that I already
know them. They are related to old traumas from childhood. I do not
really get ahead with them. I have to learn to practice more mindfulness
I have actually some things I can do which I will do now more but
did not do the last time.
I have been to professionals in Germany. In Asia it is not an option
because of the costs.

Several times I had hardly success with experts.Once I shied away
from the treatment. I blamed myself but some years later I found out
that the treatment I refused to participate in makes quite some people
mad. It is just dangerous for people who have the same diagnosis I had
at that time.Once I had the chance to choose the therapist from
5 different ones. Nice thing which was possible then in Germany.
Only one came in question. With two I could not get in any proper
contact, one was old and slow, one tried to put me down from the
first sentence he said. This was the one with the best reputation.
One worked and I had for some time therapy with him. Then he
said during a talk. I cannot work with you. I would rather participate
in a sadistic abuse than help you out. That means I cannot work with
you. further. That was it with this therapist.  I did no more restart after
that.