Tuesday, February 21, 2017

To get out of my depression is not that easy. I have to
develop discipline in meditation again first. Voices
are often that disturbing that I turn to them instead
just noting them. My posture  is not right. I hope I
get ahead with this seemingly easy things. They are
not that easy for me at the moment.
I had no harassment a few days. Yesterday I had stimulation
of  abusing sex. I assume it was a Thai. I was not that hard.
Today I had some of such stimulation again. It was stressful
and reducing activity. I have been in bed for three days in
Surat and felt better afterwards. I thought My body is ready
again for some action. The same day stimulation of abuseve
sex restartet.
This night I had this voices again that various sorts of
harassment would  restart. They want to make me work for
them this seems to ge real. I had in Bangkok recognized
an American which was inside my mindcontrol. He said
he had been too weak to resist and worked for them.
The voices I hear also tell me that they have been forced
to do this and could not resist.
There is a silent holocaust going on. The worst criminals
on this planet are usual governments. Such stuff which
happens to me for such a long time would never be tolerated
by non government forces. They would be with this a non
government source of power.

The people who do this will further try to ger me working
for them by permanent abusing me but leaving me also time
like before.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

What yesterday was announced did not happen.
I woke up and noticed no strong pain or abuse.
Mostly but not always  such announcements which told what later
should happen came true.
From the many painful stimulations I have an ongoing effect on my
body. I managed to meditate in the past a lot which countered much
of the effects. This I have  not manage the last years.  Often I just
could not think of it like it was with learning English.
I have to restart doing a lot of meditation. With it I can get my
strength back and sort out my mind. This I have to do first because I am
everything else than efficient in many things, burned out.
I have been passive often the last few years. Partly this came from many
years of stress and abuse and I could no more and did
no more want to take it. But did not find a way out and got depressed.
Today I noticed I am more free in my mind to go my way
and and noticed that I now can address this problem mentally
which I started and will have to do some time to be mentally better
prepared for future abuse. This means being less passive and being
active as far as I can and also want.
I could not write a police report about this stuff. I did not
manage and I blame me for this. Yes it appears weak.Yes I could tell
a lot why I did not manage to do it. I will later.
My depression which is not only the stuff I mentioned needs addressing
too. When I have my mental freedom I will try to address it with
mental work. The abuse is partly just shocking to me. In high stress
times the last few years mental work isn't much possible.
Voices which I think are not myown like lecturing me a lot about this
or that and disturbing talks during the day curb my thinking. Voices
are very disturbing for that.
I notice difficulty writing. I hope it is just once and not repeating in
future.

Friday, February 17, 2017

I woke up tonight and had voices saying in the morning
I wood wake up in severe pain and probably not able
to travel. They would give me such pain repeatedly
until I would be willing to work for them.
The text is not exactly the same as it was. I can no
more remember it exactly as it was

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

I notiec I cannot enjoy music enjoy much anymore.
My eyes get worse again.
This bestialic stimulation of  sexual abuse this day.
And what happened afterwards. A young woman
was asking for such sex by by signs. I answer this woman has
the right arss to beat 

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

President Trump wants to make America great again.
Then he will have to turn against the FDA.
This agency has to my observation been corrupt for
decades and has just proven this again.

FDA quietly bans powerful life-saving intravenous Vitamin C


http://www.naturalnews.com/2017-02-01-fda-quietly-bans-powerful-life-saving-iv-bags-with-vitamin-c.html

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

I am a few days in Thailand now and had every time sexual
harassment. Yesterday it was that strong that I was weak the
whole day. I then do not like much conversation then. This
I had often over many years. After strong harassment I do
not easily get together a smile or like to talk.
So relationships got difficult through this.
I have forgotten items several times the last days one item is
lost.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Forgetfulness is less at the moment possibly due to less
harrasment. But i have often pain in the area where the heart is. Sometimes the left arm is also tense. Only getting upset a little may make pain stronger. Exercises with arms increase pain so I  stopped it until I know  it is safe to do. Sometime ago I noticed that the many humiliations through the harassment are finally burdening my heart. In the last post I wrote that manpulation is less. It is less noticeable. I often cannot think of what I want to do and spend the day with other things. Going back to what I want functions for some time only after that  I am again doing nothing or something else.