Tuesday, May 29, 2018

I read news in the Internet quite often. I notice that there
is programming to not read Russian news rather American
or German. To read certain German news I had programming
longer time ago. I had stimulation of abusing sex nearly all
the last time..

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Again heavy stimulation of abusing sex probably of any asshole close.
I won't be friendly  should I get this person.
Much of the day is gone when such happens. I can't get longer time
dental treatment because I do not have currently the nerves for this.
This is because of the ongoing sexual and other harassment.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

I had now altogether twice heavy harassment in Thailand
Once sexual harassment the other one not sexual. The
non sexual harassment was announced by voices.
I notice my body cannot take this easily anymore
Arthritis returned but the many year long terror
has also  affected my psychologically. I have had that much
pain that I cannot stand more easily.
The last time I have voices which keep me from going to
sleep for hours. It has also to do with fears going to sleep
as much harassment happened during sleep for many years
Going to bed easily so does not help to get enough sleep.

There has been huge influence of MC on my life,
With manipulation I was often kept from tasks I wanted to

Saturday, May 19, 2018

In Malaysia I had some days off harassment. In Thailand
I had to do with sexual hrassment everyday, though
my allergies play so some degree a role in such

Saturday, May 05, 2018

It is also the ever ongoing stimulation of abusing sex which leaves me
 in pain, stress and finally alone.  This is one aspect why I don't have
many contacts.
This I noticed repeatedly over years.

After this heavy stimulation of abusing sex a few days before
there were talks in my head and I called the stimulation of sadistic
sex sexual abuse.

It is against my will and knowledge when it happens in my sleep.
It fits in the definition of  sexual abuse. The difficulty with this
sadistic sex is I am also emotionally inside with positive feelings
involved. When I have severe stimulation of such sex positive
feelings related to it  get quite strong and may overwhelm my
conscious decision making.
That does not mean that I want such sex or the pain and stress will
not arrive.