Sunday, April 10, 2016

I visited today the first time for long again a anarchist
website. This was accompanied by voices:  "You can
do that now again." They may even have triggered my
visit by putting the idea in my brain. There was a lot of
control over me for a long time I think. I could not do
much even if I tried to. Maybe it also had to do with
some problems of mine. But I haven't been that
passive for a longer time  also not for
shorter periods  for I think more than 25 years.
The influence I have by mind control technology and
gang stalking has over years systematically attacked
parts of my personality. I understood that there can
be also positive value in the attacks and worked with them
but come to neglect my ideas of me.  I changed inside
and this is at least also a part why I became passive. I am
stuck in some not worked out part of mine which I
better circumvent and sometimes turn to to work on it.
Well on the other side the last days some things go
a little better than before.
I could not meditate a lot for a long time. With such I got
me out of burnouts, that is feeling tired, listless, weak
without having done much. The stress of mind control
and gang stalking brings about quickly such a burnout.
I assume that manipulation was it which kept me
from doing meditation,
Once I managed to build up such strong shielding
that I could block sexual harassment.
Shortly afterwards I had thoughts in my brain
I do not want to set up the shielding everyday.
This is a lot of work. I stopped.
But before I was able to shield the harassment I put
a lot of effort over a long time to achieve a means
to block the terror.
Maybe it has also to do with manipulation.

That I have not written any police report has to do
with voices which are able to get me away from
it. They are quiete troubling.
But I have not done all I could against such
stuff, I admit.
Often I plan to write and I forget.
It is my being in a burnout or also manipulation?
Once I tried to stay at a place just to write
something for the police. I had that much
trouble at that place that I left.

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