Sunday, August 21, 2016

I had voices today. They said I could do what I wanted now but the
terror could restart later. I had voices that something would be
allowed now which wasn't before. And I really could do what I
wanted. I finally could without problems do some work in my flat.
I have wanted that for long time. Often it just did not work, now
without problems.

They said if I would not try to get rid of us they would press me in their
desired scheme.(Home of disabled) I answered.I will not do that,
I rather kill myself.

When I intended to tidy up my room or clean it I mostly had voices, you
must get rid of us and else. It was also difficult for me to do then
something. I know now there was a lot of control over me the last time.
I was often passive I did not manage to do better. There were also voices
of that they would not stop me in this or that area anymore. It seems
like this. I just can do things easier than the whole last time.

I have to do with fears also because of voices. I am busy with them
internally  while doing other things. Concentration is low because of
such. So I have to look at the fears and address them mentally, which I
did not do yet. That should be right to weaken them or not?
Well, I have to define the fears first. When they are in the background
it may be troublesome to get them clear. I will get busy with the latter
first before going ahead further.

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